How I Became an Author at 24

Let's start off by clarifying that I never had any intentions on writing any kind of books. It was something I never even thought of doing ever. It wasn't until my husband and I were diagnosed with secondary infertility (damn morphology) that I felt the need to write something. Over 6 years ago we were blessed with a healthy baby boy. Being teenagers we were of course not even trying to get get pregnant. However, life had other plans for us when BOOM I got pregnant instantly even while using protection. We were dumbfounded years later after buying our home and getting married and not be able to get pregnant right away. Our hopes were raised, and soon enough crushed when we conceived but it ended in a miscarriage.

Our boy wanted nothing else in this world than to be a big brother. Every holiday like Christmas, his birthday, Easter, etc. he'd ask for a baby brother or sister. He was confused. Sad. Mad. Who could blame him? He is a child who simply just doesn't understand why everyone else has siblings but he does not. I was determined to help him in any way that I possibly could. I scoured Amazon, Books a Million, Barnes and Nobles, literally any place that sold books that could maybe break it down easier for him to understand.

Guess what? I found NOTHING. To say I was discouraged was an understatement. I could not believe there was not one thing out there that could help even a tiny bit. Here I was in the midst of grieving myself following our miscarriage and somehow had to figure out a way to help him. I've always been that type of person that says; "Oh I can probably do that myself." Of course I has some experience with illustrations however I did not know a single thing about writing kids literature.

The research started. First I made sure there was NO other book that had the same name and story. I compared between the different styles of writing Children's Books. I absorbed their messages. Their images. What I studied most was the psychology of a child. Children do not process grief the way Adults do. Shocker right? It probably isn't. I needed to create something that would help him. I researched many articles that Child Psychologists wrote. The bottomline was simple. All children no matter what age or gender, need to be heard. Their feelings NEED to be heard. I've been told to just tell him "to get over it and enjoy being the only child" how alarming. Our boy was crushed. Why the hell would I ever tell him something so stupid and insensitive? UGH. Boomers.

It took me 20 minutes to write The Sad Blob on a Google doc sheet. It took four months to do the illustrations and a week to format correctly. With on click of a button, I was a self published Author on Amazon. The whole project was a huge secret. My own Husband didn't even know until the very end. At night I'd do the illustrations in secret so no one else would see. The problem with writing a book, is that people will always give their unsolicited advice. All of a sudden everyone is a J.D Salinger or Sylvia Plath. No one I know personally was in our situation, so I didn't really feel like entertaining people's "what ifs". I ordered the first copy before ever sharing the link with anyone. I made that book specifically for my child and he was going to be the first one to read it.

He was in school the day it arrived. I ripped open the Amazon envelope and saw all my hardwork onto pages. I sat in my driveway and bawled. They should of been happy tears but they weren't. I never wanted to have to make that type of book for any child. It gutted me that he just couldn't have a normal life and be able to be a big brother. I stopped crying by the time I had to pick him up from the bus stop. Later at bedtime I told him I had something really special to show him. I whipped out the book. The first thing he noticed was my name on the cover. "Mommy look! HE L ANA L INK. Why is your name on the book?" He was in disbelief I was able to just make a book. It took quite a bit of convincing to get him to believe me. He was finally sold, when I showed him the images from my iPad. We dived right into the story.

The story followed Max a boy who wants to have a sibling badly but no one seems to understand him. My son's eyes sparkled and he soaked up each word. The moral of the story was that secondary infertility sucks and your feelings are valid. When we finished the story he put his arms around me. "I really loved that story you made Mommy. Thank you!" he said as he pulled me down for a kiss. Tears sprung to my eyes. "I love you buddy".

I am so incredibly grateful for everything and everyone that has given me the strength to continue to continue my passions in life.

It's been a few months now since my book has been published. I have found in this period of grief how much I truly love writing. It keeps me grounded. It has helped him on the bad days. He no longer is confused on his feelings. He is now building up acceptance to certain situations out of our control. There are still things we need to work out. For now, we aren't participating in "baby related" events. No gender reveals, baby showers, first birthdays, NADA. I've been told I'm sheltering him but I don't care. It is a PROCESS. It is a gradual process that takes time. He is 6! While I can't control if there was a baby at the store or something and he saw it, I can control is what type of attention is on the matter. For example a baby walking by in a stroller is not really a trigger. Odds are he's too busy picking up rocks to notice. Going to a baby shower to celebrate a baby? No. Respectfully not at this time because I know how much he's hurting. I simply refuse to put him in any situation that leaves him emotionally fragile. People fail to realize he won't be feeling like this forever. For now, I'll protect his peace until he feels ready.

For those who love and support us:

Y'all Rock!!!!